Its always sunny in Axel
by quentin3655
Summary: When the Lone Wanderer dies in The Jefferson Memorial , he gets another chance to live , by being sent to another world. With his Trusty companion Dogmeat , they will embark on a Epic quest...which will end up with a bunch of dead people and lots of DOSH! (Cockney Lone Wanderer)(On Hiatus)
1. Prologue

Its always Sunny in Axel

 _"I don't want to set the world on fire,_ _I just want to start a flame in your heart" -Ink Spots_

 _(I own Nothing)_

 _October 23 2277_

 _Jefferson Memorial , Capital Wasteland_

There he was, the man that caused him so much pain. The Enclave's lap dog and the man who killed his dad. The Lone Wanderer glared at the Colonel with a raging passion, behind the visor of his T45-f's Helmet. He already aimed his Wazer Wifel at the Enclave official and was ready to vaporize him. The Colonel however had a annoyed look on his face as he saw the Wanderer, his dog and Sarah Lyons the leader of the Lyons Pride enter the Main Chamber .

"You again."

Augustus Autumn grit his teeth as he saw the power armored Wanderer aiming his rifle at him. "I can't say I'm surprised. You and your ilk seem hell-bent on destroying everything our government has worked to achieve." The Colonel said aiming his laser pistol at the Lone Wanderer. The Wanderer's dog , an Australian Cattle Dog took a defensive stance and barred his teeth showing that he was ready to protect his master. Sarah also kept her laser rifle aimed at the Colonel. Out of the shadows two Enclave Soldiers ,wearing X-01 Power armor armed with a Minigun and Gatling Laser appeared covering Colonel Autumn. The Orange visor's of their helmet glowing. "There's nothing to stop me from killing you this time. Let's end this." Autumn taunted. The Wanderer took a deep breath before saying anything.

Inhale.

Exhale.

"IL BASH YER FOOKING HEAD OPEN YA CUNT!" The Wanderer shouted before he tackled the Colonel to the ground. The two Enclave Soldiers aimed their guns at the Lone Wanderer who was currently busy beating the Colonel to death. Just as they where about to pull the trigger , Sarah shot one of the Soldiers In the head with her Laser Rifle. The Hot laser burning through the Helmet and killing the one welding the Minigun. The other Soldier quickly aimed at Sarah but he felt the gun slip from his hand as the dog pounced on it and started pulling it off the Soldier. With the Soldier pulling his gun back from the Dog , Sarah shot the Soldier a few times in the chest until he died. As she turned back to the Wanderer she was greeted to the sight of the Wanderer still beating the Colonel to death.

" THAT'S . FOR. KILLING. MY. DAD. YA. TOSSER!" The Lone Wanderer said each time his fist connected with the Colonel's bruised and bloated face. By the time he was done , his armored hands were bloody and what was left of the Colonel's face was gore, brain matter and red mush. After a few heavy breaths he spoke up again.

"Mate that felt bloody , fooking good! Glad i got my hands on the Prick!" He announced cracking his Neck. "So whats next mate ?" He asked Sarah . "Oh..By now the Pride, that Ghoul and the Super Mutant should be mopping up whatever opposition is left outside. We should secure the Perimeter. " She said. The Wanderer nodded as he kept his eyes to the doors.

Just then the radio came alive.

" _Hello? Hello?... Is anyone there? It's Doctor Li. Something's wrong with the purifier... Please, someone answer!"_

Sarah quickly went to the Radio and answered. " Lyons here. We secured the purifier. What is going on ?" Sarah asked worried. " _During all of this , the facility took damage. Some of it was probably accidental , but i wouldn't be surprised if the enclave sabotaged the whole thing in the last minute. There is pressure being build up inside and it needs to be released now or the whole thing will blow!"_ Li answered. The Wanderer made his way to Sarah as he kept listening. " _If im reading this right , the chamber is filled with lethal doses of radiation ."_ Li explained. The Wanderer then spoke back. "OI ! Li its me! Look its not a problem. I can quickly go outside and either get Fawkes or Charon to do this for us! " He explained. " _Negative! We don't have that much time! The Purifier needs to be activated NOW! "_ Li replied before pausing.

" _Im sorry , but if there was any other way..."_

The Lone Wanderer sighted as he looked done at his feet. "Well...so much for a celebration.." Sarah muttered "So...one of us has to do it...so...should we draw straws or-" Lyons said before being cut off by the Wanderer.

"Il go."

Sarah needed a few seconds to respond back. "Are you sure ?" she asked. "Positive..." He replied. Before entering he heard the dog whine behind him. "Ahh mate...im gonna miss ya. " He said as he knelt down and started scratching the dog behind the ears. "Ya know...yer the first friend i made outside...we have been through so much its bloody amazing...il miss ya , ya wonderful mutt." He said before giving his dog a warm hug. He then stood up and made his way to the purifier door.

"Goodbye Dogmeat..."

As he entered the chamber he quickly turned around. "Sarah...before i go..there is something important i have to tell you." He said has he stared at her , behind the T45-f's helmet. Sarah looked at him with a mix of surprise and curiosity. " When i met ya for the first time , i thought that ye were just a tough girl with a white knight complex...but after all this...i think yer the most wonderful Woman in the entire Capital Wasteland...and i wish we had more time to know each other..." he said. Sarah just realized that he had confessed to her , as her cheeks turned a red."W-What ?!" she asked surprised

That's when the Wanderer froze."Ah bugger...Oh God i fooked it up! I BLOODY FOOKED IT UP!" The Wanderer shouted in realization. "I CAME ON TO STRONG!"

"W-what , no! You didn't you are actually one se-" Sarah was about to explain , but was cut off by the Wanderer's panic attack. "EVEN BEFORE I DIE ,I STILL FIND A WAY TO LOOK LIKE A CUCK!"The Wanderer said again before running towards the console. He then typed.

216.

*Bing

The Chamber started to fill up with more radiation , as even the power armor couldn't protect the user by now. The Radioactive stinging got worse by the second and the Wanderer felt like a million tiny needles where pricing his skin at the same time...

He could feel the blood running down from his mouth as he started coughing. His lungs were burning and he felt his legs give up as he crashed on the floor. He laid there as he started to feel his slow and painful death take over him. He could feel darkness take over him as he slowly closed his eyes and the pain started to ease.

The Lone Wanderer Died.

* * *

 _Somewhere else_

 _Time : unknown._

When he opened his eyes he was met with a Familiar and Unfamiliar sight.

One one hand he could see his HUD from the helmet he wore. He quickly did a Display check. On his right side it displayed his AP , his Fusion Core capacity and Ammo , while on the Left side his health and rad bars. What was strange was that his health and AP were at 100% while he had 0% rads and 99 cores.

On the other hand...

He was sitting on a wooden chair. How the chair didn't collapse from the Power Armor's massive weight he didn't know. All he knew is he was in a Dark Room and in front of him was a White Throne. Even when it was dark he could clearly see his power armored hands, Autumn's blood still staining them.

That was when the headache kicked in.

"Ahh...bloody hell...i feel like that night Clover spiked my drink and the tied me up..." He said to himself after shaking his head.

"Albert Cole." He heard a female voice say behind him.

Albert Cole...his actual name. Not many called him that. Only the ones that personally knew him. Everyone else just called him 'the Lone Wanderer' or 'Wanderer'. So it was already strange hearing his name out of the Blue.

"Welcome to the Afterlife." The voice said. Now that he thought about it the voice sounded like that of an Younger girl. He would guess in her late teens/early twenties. However all of this came to a Halt when he realized what she just said.

" _Afterlife"_

He fucking died.

"Unfortunately , you passed away moments ago." The voice said. He turned his head to his left to see a Beautiful girl walking by. Unlike most chicks in the wasteland , her clothes didn't look either torn , dirty or even damaged. Her skin wasn't covered in dirt from the wasteland either. she looked cleaner then even a Vault Dweller. Her Outfit consisted of a blue sleeveless shirt with a mini skirt , two pair of blue boots that went up to her knee's and a pair of white sleeve ..thingies..and she wore a green bow tie on her chest...and she had a Pink Scarf floating around her. Before he could ask anything the girl spoke again , as she sat down of the throne. "Your life was a short one , but as a Matter of act : You are Dead."

Albert took a breath in and the exhaled again. He really did fucking die...

In his 19 years , he had experienced so much. Growing up , getting his Pipboy, his graduation , his first day on his job , his first kiss, his first kill , the first time he was called a hero , his first near-death-experience , the death of his father , his first time 'doing it' , the crippling depression he once had, the first Deathclaw he killed , his return to Vault 101, the liberation of paradise falls, the escape from Raven Rock.

And finally...his death.

What of all those he met ? What about the Capital Wasteland ?

What of them ?

He hoped they would be well back there without him. He may be a cunt at times, but in the Wasteland where everyone suffers...he tried his best to help out.

Well he was dead now...did that mean he could rest ?

What about the things he would never be able to do, such as watching the Capital Wasteland return to become green, grow a family...and not die of radiation poisoning.

But ultimately he had to accept his death.

And so he would.

"So i finally passed away..." He asked the girl. "Yes , you indeed did." she replied with a innocent looking smile. He had just noticed that the girl had blue hair...and it didnt look dyed.

"Well...atleast i didn't die in vain..." Albert said to himself as he leaned into his chair.

"Actually...you didn't need to sacrifice yourself..."

...

...

...

"wot ?"

"Heh...well you see , if you had waited a few seconds later , the Super Mutant and Ghoul would have entered and you could have given them the code to activate the purifier." She said in a matter-of-fact way , while having a smug smile plastered on her face.

Was she being serious ?

"How long ?" he asked

" Uhm...10 seconds id say."

10 seconds...he only had to wait 10 FUCKING seconds...

" _K_ _eep breathing mate , don't let that get to ya , shit happens and you know that , i mean look at it from our perspective ! We get to see Dad again, and meet Mom!"_ a little voice said in Albert's head.

As he heard the mention of his Parents , he started calming down. Dad would probably be proud that he sacrificed himself to save the wasteland...and Mom could finally meet her 'baby boy'.

Maybe...maybe things weren't so bad after all...

" _Then again , we will never get to sleep with Sarah Lyons and our last words were ' I still find a way to look like a cuck' ..."_ the same little voice said.

And then Albert snapped .

"MOTHERFOOKER!" He said as he stood up and kicked the chair away.

While he was busy kicking the shit out of a wooden chair and giving people the entire 'British Swears list ' , the Girl on the throne was chuckling. Sure it wasn't ' HA HA' funny , but it was still kinda funny . After a while Albert started realizing that he wasn't even putting a dent of the chair when punching it. He did however notice the Girl's giggling.

"OI, what so fookin funny ?!" He asked in a rather harsh way. "Oh , nothing , its just i have kinda been doing this thing for a while and i haven't had as many amusing moments. "

"AMUSING?!"

She called being irradiated into a glow stick and having a slow and painful death 'Amusing'

"Oh il show ya something amusing..." he said , as she was still giggling while he picked up the chair.

" Shut yer bloody mouth ya gormless Pillock!" he said as he threw the chair at her , with full force. Before the chair connected with her head, the girl stopped he giggling and managed to dodge the flying object.

"How dare you! How dare you strike at a Goddess!" the girl shouted in anger as she pointed her finger at him. The Wanderer took a defensive stance as he was ready to throw down. So this was god ? He couldn't care less if this was Jangles the fucking Moon Monkey. You don't fuck with him! "I could send you to hell if i wanted, you know?!" the girl again exclaimed as she pouted. Albert was tempted to say 'Try me Bitch!' but a little voice in his head told him not to antagonize the pissed off goddess.

The Goddess then composed herself. "However , since you did help a lot of people in your life and Sacrificed yourself for clean water (therefore spreading my name) i will overlook this incident." She said as she crossed her arms and continued pouting.

Albert glared at her for a moment before sitting down on the floor. "Okey so what now oh glorious goddess ?" Albert asked with sarcasm dripping like a damned waterfall.

The Goddess seemed not to have cough on his sarcasm as she responded "Oh , so you don know your place...well i am the Water Goddess Aqua , and i guide those that die young to the afterlife."

"Wait , wait wait., Are ya implying that there are more gods ? " Albert asked. "Why yes , there are multiple gods and goddesses , we are what keeps the universe and multiverse stable. " She said with a bit of Smugness. "As a matter of fact i am one of the more powerful gods...more power then Eris..." She claimed again as she fixed a bit of her hair.

"So , what happens now ?" Albert asked as he adjusted a few things on his Power Armor. "Well there are Two choices." Aqua said .

" Oh ?"

" You can Start from zero and begin a New Life, or carry on and go to Heaven."

"What did my parents choose ? " Albert asked. "Well i don't know that ! They were older then you weren't they ? I only guide young People!" Aqua explained.

"Bugger...hmm...Heaven sounds kinda Nice...how is it there ?" Albert asked as he looked back at Aqua. "Well Heaven isn't exactly the dreamy place all of you think it is ..." Aqua responed.

" It isnt ? Then what the Bloody hell is it ?!" Albert asked , quite confused by this.

Aqua smirked.

"Well , there are no Books , no Television and no Terminals. You lack a physical body and can't fight , dance , listen to music ...have sex...you only lay on a field and bask in the sun all day long." Aqua said .

So that was it...Either start anew and be reborn in the irradiated shithole he calls a home , with a lack of memories and loot...or or lay in peace in a field of green and relax. No troubles...no worries ...no deathclaw surprising him and trying to gut him...just relaxing in the sun for all eternity...

GOD, that sounds **FUCKING** boring!

"Yea...that sounds-"

"Boring ?"

"Abso-fookin-lutly lass."

"Yea it does and starting over doesn't sound like fun either..." Aqua said with a smug look. Albert knew that look exactly. She was planning something.

"That's why i have a Great offer for you! You enjoy those nerd comics Grognark the Barbarian ? " she exclaimed.

First of all Grognark was NOT a Nerd Comic , but his Childhood icon! Secondly **HE WAS NOT A NERD!** However he decided to keep his cool about it and just roll with it. "Yea i enjoy things like Grognark and Battlemace 40k . Why are ya asking ?" Albert questioned .

Aqua composed herself before she spoke." In a World in which Peace and Harmony once ruled the land, a Threat has risen!" she announced , trying to sound like Todd Howard at E3. "The Devil King and his Army are Pillaging and Destroying everything in their way! The people live in fear and are waiting for a Hero to save them!" She announced as she stood in a spotlight. " As you can Imagine , people don't want to be reborn in that universe , and due to that the Population is declining." She explained.

So people down right refuse to be reborn it the other world ? How hellish could that world be ? He came from an irradiated shithole...what could be worse then that ?

"So we decided to send People from other worlds there , with there bodies and Memories intact to save it !" Aqua concluded.

Albert had to admit that that was a smart idea. Send a Heavily armed and armored **FUCKING WARMACHINE** to solve another world's problems , and they could live again.

"Okey , but if people are so much as refusing to be reborn into the other world then i guess you are implying that , the other world is more dangerous then mine...do you think i even stand a chance ? " Albert asked. "Well don't worry about that! You get to choose one power or item to come with you in your journey!" Aqua explained as she sat down on her throne again." The People get someone who protects them , and you get to be reborn with all your memories. Doesn't that sound like a great deal ?" Aqua asked as stared at the Wanderer.

So he gets to explore some new world and kill a guy who calls himself the Devil King ? The new World could be more dangerous then even his...

" _Ah fook it , i can explore some shit and get more dosh! "_ Albert mused to himself.

However a thought crossed his mind. She told him he could take one item of One power of his choosing...but could he still take his guns and armors he was carrying on him...Only one way to find out!

"[Intelligence] Quick question ! I am i allowed to take what i have currently on my body ? Since you can't really send me naked now can you ?" The Lone Wanderer asked.

"[Success] W-WHAT! Of course! i don't want to see you naked you perv! And besides , your armor is gonna run out of juice after a while , so let just say i am giving you a head start...as a goddess's mercy!" A pouting Aqua explained as she tried to hide he red cheeks.

" _Did...did she just fooking fall for this...a fookin goddess ?!"_ Albert thought ,shocked as he just realized he tricked her. She should know that a Pipboy could store Items by Atomizing them and storing them as Data. Heck, he was literally carrying a hundred different items at the same time right now! So technically he was **carrying** items on him...even if it meant a bunch of different guns, sets of armor , chems , fusion cores, food and trash.

"Oh okey then...so...'powers'..." Albert asked. Aqua jumped into the air and did a pose as hundreds of cards landed on the floor. "Choose! Take one of the Unique Powers!" She Exclaimed.

* * *

Albert had spend a few seconds reading a few of the Powers. He wasn't going to lie. The Powers where amazing. The Ability to stop time ? The Strength rivaling Hercules ? Transforming into a Fucking Dragon ? It was all there. However , there is one problem...

The Powers where too Overpowered .

Armor of the hero ? Grants near immortality. Sword of Justice ? Can kill anything with one swing. The Dark soul ? He can literally return from the dead by jumping out of a flame.

Now normally someone would take the most powerful one and leave. Albert Cole wouldn't .

Why ?

In the wise words of John Emerich Edward Dalberg-Acton " _Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."_

Sure the Wanderer wanted power , but he was already quite powerful and he wanted to earn the power. He didn't want it gift wrapped and with a Cherry on top. It felt more satisfying defeating someone who could kill you in two hits , then you defeating them with two hits. Earned power doesn't Corrupt as much , since a person can look back and remember when they where weak.

"Will you just pick one card already ?" Aqua complained as she continued playing with her fidget spinner. Albert thought for a while...until he had an idea!

"I know what im taking!" He declared as he stared at Aqua. The Goddess finally stood up from her chair and did a stretch before saying "Finally ! So...what will you take?" She asked anticipating the Power.

" I want to take my Dog , Dogmeat with me !" He announced.

...

"Okey i will summon him quickly." Aqua said , as a small Circle next to Albert appeared on the floor. However 2 seconds later Aqua realized her Mistake. "WAIT YOU CAN'T TAKE LIVING CREATURES AS A POWER! " Aqua screamed in realization. But it was too late. A Puff later and there stood a dazed Australian cattle dog.

"DOGMEAT!" Albert shouted in glee , as he hugged his Companion. Dogmeat needed a few Seconds until he realized that he was being hugged by Albert!

His Friend who died ! And now he was petting and hugging him! With an equal amount of glee , the dog jumped on his Master and started licking his helmet! "GOD I MISS'D YA , YA RUNT! "Albert said as he gave Dogmeat the greatest belly rub ever. Dogmeat's tongue was wiggling in and out as he enjoy'd every second of him reuniting with his master and best friend.

Aqua , wanted to say something...but she couldn't...

THE DOG WAS JUST TO ADORABLE!

"OHMYGOSHHEISSOCUTEIWANNAPETHIM!" She shouted in glee as she ran towards the Dog. She then started rubbing the Dog's cheeks. "YOUARESOADORABLEIMGONNAPETYOUANDSNUGGLEWITHYOUYOUADORABLECOOKIEYO-" Aqua said before coming to a halt.

*chomp

Dogmeat bit her hand.

Aqua Screamed in pain as she ran around the place like headless chicken crying and panicking , while clutching her hand. The Lone Wanderer was just giving her a flat stare.

If someone told him a week ago that God, (or rather the Goddess) was a whiny , annoying Girl , with an S.P.E.C.I.A.L Intelligence of 4 , he would have punched you in the face repeatably and then dumped you in a trashcan...but here he was...

"STUPID DOG!" She shouted as she kicked Dogmeat.

Now there are three things one must never do infront of Albert Cole , unless you wish to invoke his wrath.

1\. Never talk shit about his Mom or Dad. ( Wally Mack learned it the hard way , and he still sometimes wakes up in the night pissing himself)

2\. Never harm a Child

3\. **NEVER HARM DOGMEAT**

"Oh ya fookin bitch , It is ON!" He said as he materialized a Minigun. Aqua, nearly shat a Brick as she saw the barrel of the gun spinning

"ah poop."

She quickly dove behind her Throne as the Bullets started ripping through the air. Realizing that the Throne , like the chair was indestructible , he switched Weapons to his Super Sledge. "ITS FOOKING HAMMER TIME!" He shouted as he charged at Aqua. However , before he or Dogmeat got near Her , a blue transparent light surrounded them. "Wot in the goddamn..." The Wanderer cursed as both he and his Dog started to float towards a light. Aqua started to laugh and point her finger at the Wanderer! "HA HA HA! CAN'T TOUCH THIS!`" She exclaimed as he shook her butt in a mocking fashion. "NA NA NA NA NA NA!" she continued.

Albert just gave her a Glare before exclaiming : " I swear if i see you again IM GONNA -"

(commercial break)

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THEN JOIN THE ARMY AND HELP DEFEND THIS GREAT NATION!

TO ANCHORAGE WE GO!

JOIN TODAY AND PROTECT YOUR COUNTRY FROM FILTHY COMMUNISTS!

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

[Sponsored by Vault Tec]

(commercial end)

"-AND THEN IM GONNA DIP EM IN CHILI SAUCE AND AND EAT IT!" The Wanderer exclaimed as he flipped Aqua once more off.

Aqua just gave them a Smug look before saying "Jokes on you ! You have to return first ! And for that you have to Defeat the Devil King! Which i doubt you will achieve with a dumb Mutt!"

" YA BIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-" Albert shouted , before he and his dog got sucked into the portal.

Aqua , sat back in her chair. She will admit , this was the first mortal she met who tried to assault her , but now he was gone and there was no way , that it was going to bite her in the ass later.

 **( AN/ HA! * Evil Laughter)**

Nope...absolutely no way.

 **A/N : So yea , this is the first chapter. I once published a fic 2 years ago , but it was total cancer and i deleted it when i was realized it. Since then i took a few English classes and learned proper spelling and grammar , so i hope you will not need any radiation suits to read this fanfic. Now an important thing you need to know is that this fic takes place 1 week before Kazuma and Aqua land in Axel. So most of the fic will revolve around the Wanderer learning about the land and meet its people( also if you people have trouble reading His lines...well he has a Cockney Accent). Another thing you need to know is , since i didnt want to make Albert OP i decided to send him out at Level 20 and without any of the DLC weapons/armors. So we have a Mediocre Level Lone Wanderer stuck in a Fantasy world . Also If you have any requests just leave it as a review and tell me what you want. Il be waiting . Adios Guys!**


	2. Chapter 1

" _Here,take a few Radiation chems ,as my little way of saying "Sorry i twisted you DNA like a kitten with a ball of yarn!"_

 _-Moria Brown_

 _Date : Unknown_

 _Location :_ _Unknown_

*Fush*

"-IIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!" The Lone Wanderer shouted as he fell ,5 feet from the floor out of a portal. As he Dropped on the floor , Dogmeat fell on top of him with a small bark. The Wanderer wanted to stand up when he felt the bright rays of the sun reflecting against his helmet's visor.. he tried to adjust he eyes to the Sun. As he did , he gasped as he saw his surroundings.

"N-No way..." he gasped.

He had expected a Hellish landscape filled with Demons and Abominations that could drive a mere mortal insane. He had expected to see the Mutilated bodies of children hanging on poles as some twisted way to mark territories. He had expected a Crimson Sky that would reflect the so-called 'Devil King's' Tyranny and Domination that would make the hardest of Raiders break.

This however he was not expecting.

"I-its..."

The bright Sun shined over the Peaceful town he landed. Children where playing on the streets laughing as with no care in the world. The Market stall booming with traders , peasants and even a few Nobels as the bought fresh food and quality items. The Walls around the Town , while they looked of age they had been nowhere near as old and broken as any building in the Wasteland. The Green grass was alive and well and so were the trees. Squirrels where gathering acorns in the trees as the birds sang their morning song. Everything was peaceful...but most importantly to the Wanderer...it was alive. And the water at the river.

It was a crystal blue which Albert had never seen before. It was so clean.

"...Beautiful..." Albert muttered as he stared in awe. He had never seen so much Green in one place. Not even Oasis could rival this Place.

No.

He had to be sure.

The Wanderer adjusted a few things at the back of his Helmet. A few beeps later and The Wander started taking it off. With a hiss the helmet went off and he dropped it on the ground. The Vault Dweller felt the heat of the sun , sting a bit at his Tanned skin . The Messy Platinum colored Clean Cut hairstyle shined in the sun. Albert scratched his itchy rough beard , as he hasn't taken the helmet off in a while now...

Thats when he took a breath.

In all his years he had never felt air so clean and fresh enter his lungs. Not even the Vault's Air Filtration system was this clean.

He felt a tear roll down his cheek.

How could no one want to be reincarnated here ?! The air , the water everything was not just clean , but radiation free! What ? Were they all a bunch of pussies ?

Or was the Devil King as big as a threat as he was told...

That didn't matter at the moment since he was busy looking at the natural beauty of the Town he was in. This is what he fought for to achieve! This was his Mothers dream!

The Waters of Life , flowing . Nature blooming and People being at peace with one another.

Truly this is the effect of the Good fight.

While the Wanderer was having his moment , he didn't realize that he had attracted quite the crowed. Seeing a Knight cry like a little bitch wasn't something seen everyday.

"Mommy , why is the Weird metal man crying ? " asked a child to his mother , only to be pulled away from the 'Weirdo'.

As Albert realized his situation he composed himself , put on his helmet back and walked off towards the bridge with Dogmeat following him.

As he walked he talked to himself.

"This is it Mate! This is a World that has been untouched by Nuclear Devastation! Think of all the Places we could visit! Lush green Forests, Snowy Mountains, Hot Savannas, Giant Jungles! All filled with non-mutated life! THIS IS GOING TO BE A GREAT ADVENTURE!" He exclaimed.

* * *

(Play : Heinz Kiessling - Temptation Sensation)

 **Its Always Sunny in Axel**

 **A Konosuba/Fallout 3 Fanfiction**

 **Act 1**

 **( Beginnings)**

 **Chapter 1**

 **"Aw shit , were Broke"**

* * *

"Bloody fookin hell..." The Wanderer cursed as he sat behind a old brick wall. Dogmeat laid next to his master and slept a bit as the Wanderer cursed himself. Basically as Albert was enthusiastically ready to go on a adventure he realized that he actually had a job .

Kill the Devil King.

Now , ignoring the King's Retarded name , the Wanderer saw several problems with that.

1\. He didn't know the place.

Since there were no satellites around the place , he couldn't connect himself and activate auto Map on his Pip-boy. From what he heard the people say ( Which surprised him , since he was sure they didn't speak English , but he guessed the God-No-BITCH integrated the language into his skull. ) the Town was called 'Axel' and that it was a rather safe place , due to it being far away from the Devil King's domain and the Front lines. That still didn't mean that everything was safe. Apparently in the wilds , creatures were lurking there and causing trouble. Considering that this was a 'Fantasy world' he could expect some crazy monsters to attack him. What he didn't want , was fighting some creature which then suddenly turns out to be immune to ' Normal Attacks' and that he would have to use something like weapons made out of silver or some shit. he also didn't want to get lost in some mountain and freeze to death due to him lacking snow equipment , because he is used to the wasteland.

2\. Magic.

Albert considered himself a man of science. While he wasn't Einstein or really a scientist , he did learn a lot about medicine from his father and on his G.O.A.T he became a Mechanic/Maintenance worker. While one would mock him for having such a job , knowing how to repair pipes , machines and sometimes reprogramming Andy did take some know-how. Magic however was something that he only knew from books , movies and games. He didn't want to get in the same situation as Grognak the Barbarian found himself in issue #05 'Demon Slaves,Demon Sands' where the Mystical Demon Spirit ' Ur-mar-il' enslaved the village of Cyrod. Ur-mar-il' Challenged Grognak to a duel in his tower , but when Grognak entered the Tower , he got trapped in a magic Barrier and was slowly being poisoned by gas. Luckily , his good friend the Divine Paladin ' Pelinus Whitestruck' saved him and together they slayed the Evil-doer. Albert however didn't have a Demon-hating-psychotic-Paladin with him that could save him. Sure he had Dogmeat , but unless the Howling he did at night ( usually waking him up at 1am for no fucking reason) was some Satanic ritual to have Demonic servants serve him , he couldn't do much now could he ?

and finally number 3.

DOSH.

Earlier he was about to buy some fresh food, since most of the food he had on him was 200 years old or irradiated.

As he was about to pay he realized that his Caps were completely useless here , and what he was about to do , was the equivalent of paying someone with old Yao Guai shit. After being told by the nice old store owner to kindly 'Fuck Off' , the Wanderer made his way to a corner were he sat down and thought about his situation . With some good ol DOSH he could fix a few problems , like getting a map and a Book about magic and this world's Fauna and Flora. He also would need a house to store his garbage. Sure he was used to Hauling all his shit with him and sleeping on the cold and hard floor , but it would be nice to have a place to store his stuff and have it not getting stolen.

Now he usually had 3 ways of making Money.

1 :Kill some Raider and loot him.

2 :sell all the garbage he found to Moria Brown.

or 3.

Do a Job.

Normally , jobs weren't that hard to find since everyone was either to lazy or to much of a pussy do do shit themselves. And even though some people gave a Lousy pay , Albert always found a way to get a bit more...

* * *

 _(Flashback)_

 _Megaton 2277_

 _"(Speech 30%)Look mate , if ya give me 500 caps il disarm the nuke. " said a fresh-outta-the-vault Albert. Sheriff Lucas Simms however frowned at him. "(Failed)Look partner , i think that your are asking to much. 100 caps and thats final." He stated fimrly. Albert narrowed his eyes at the Sheriff. He looked at his Pip-boy for something that could help him._

 _Whisky_

 _\+ 1 Charisma_

 _\+ 1 Strength_

 _\- 1 Intelligence_

 _Albert wasn't sure if he should do this . He had just found the bottle on his way back from silver's house and he was pretty sure it was irradiated..._

 _Then again he did need caps for that Hunting Rifle and Ammo._

 _"Ahhh fook it!"_

 _Albert chugged the Whisky Bottle in one go and then looked at Lucas with a Smug look. "( Speech 45 %) Are ya sure abo-BLAAGGGHH" Albert said , before Vomiting intensively_

 _Turns out that Radiation , Alcohol and never having drank Alcohol before is a real bad combination._

 _Who would have though ?_

 _"AHH GOD WHY?! BLAGGGGGHHH!" Albert continued as tears started forming around his eyes._

 _Lucas stared at the Vomiting Vault Dweller with a bit a pity. "( Success!) You know what...sure 500 caps sounds fair...just please don't barf on my shoes..." Lucas said as he started walking away._

 _"Heh Heh...sucker!...BLAGGGGGGGF!" Albert said before going back to emptying his stomach._

 _(End of Flashback)_

* * *

Albert realized that a few months ago he was a complete Idiot , after rethinking about this encounter.

Nevertheless he realized that a job would be the best. Since he didn't know about the bandits in this country and since he was pretty sure that what he had one him was useless to a merchant and...well he kinda wanted to explore the place...but also know get fucked by a damned Wizard or some shit.

He did hear however about a 'Adventurers Guild' in the center of the Town. From what he understood it was a place where people could join and do odd-jobs for a pay.

Basically Glorified Mercenaries.

Still , he would get a good pay for Jobs and considering where he came from , entering a cave and shoving a shotgun barrel into a Monster's face and then getting payed sounds nice.

Albert stood up and was about to walk towards the direction of the guild hall when Dogmeat barked.

"Oi , what is it Mate ?" The Wanderer said as he looked towards the Cattledog.

"Bark!"

"Whattaya mean 'I need to clean myself ?!'"

"Bark!"

"Fook Off i smell fine!"

"*Growl"

" Oh and you smell Better ya think ?!"

"Bark!"

To the People walking around , the sight of a Adult looking Like a Walking Tank arguing with a dog was more then strange , so a lot of people tried to not get too close to the Weirdo.

Walking in the Desert alone with only a Dog and sometimes a Ghoul with Zero Conversation skills does that to you...

"Alroight! Lets go take a Bath then..." Albert said , as he made his way to a more 'Private' area in the River , with Dogmeat following close by.

* * *

 _A Bath and 20 minutes of walking later..._

The Wanderer stood in front of the so called 'Adventures Guild' with Dogmeat at his side. Finding the Guild wasn't too hard , since it was at the center of the Town it was pretty easy to find. Also there where at TON of signs to the place. Upon arriving , Albert was greeted to the sight a Beautiful Manor about the size of the Super-Duper-Mart. It had a Red roof , Tan walls and the entrance doors were made out of beautiful Oak Wood. On top of the Entrance was the Guild Banner hanging proudly. Around the Guild hall were several Stands selling different items to Adventurers . It was a rather Peaceful atmosphere...he liked that.

"Okey Dogmeat...lets go!" Albert announced as he walked towards the Adventures Guild , each step of his Power Armor shaking the earth a little.

Entering the Guild , Albert saw the Interior of the Guild. The Hall had a certain Gothic Style to it , similar to European Estates . It was Decorated with Satues of old warriors made out of white Marble and a lot of banners were hanging around the place. There was even a Skeleton of what he presumed was a sea snake hanging from the ceiling , displayed to everyone. Adventures were drinking , eating and conversing with one another as server girls brought them Food and Drinks. As he was about to ask around he was greeted by the Hostess .

"Welcome! If you are here to ea-" Said the Hostess before freezing at the Sight of the 8ft tall man in a Full Suit of Rusty 'Knight ' Armor staring down on her.

"...uhhh...i-if your here to eat , please take a seat and il be there in a second..b-but if you are here for the Job Registration then head to the counter please." She Nervously said , as she was startled by the Lone Wanderer's appearance. The Wanderer cocked an eyebrow behind his helmet. "Oh...huh , Cheers lass !" The Wanderer responded before making his way there. Albert had to admit , People were a lot nicer then at home. If people didn't know that he was the Lone Wanderer they would treat him like any other wasteland asshole. In his early days he got told to take a hike so many times by strangers that after while he just stopped asking people for anything all together.

While making his way, he caught the attention from other Adventures. Non of them have ever seen Armor like that and a few actually believed that he was a Golem of sorts.

Still Albert didn't care if they stared. On the way here , people also stared at him due to him sticking out like a sore thumb , but he understood completely. The sight of a Man wearing power armor the shook the floor in what he could geuss was a 14th century setting would surly raise eyebrows. Only thing he was worried was that since this was a 14th century setting , that they would call his armor and weapons ' Sorcery ' and try to Blood eagle him or something of that manner due to the fact that in middle ages everything was consider't Heresy. Then again people seem nice enough and he was pretty sure he saw a few mages sitting in the hall. No one would want to mess with him!

"Hey!"

And he spoke to soon.

Albert sigh before turning around and responding. "Yea mate ?" Albert asked to a quite big man. He had to be about 6.5 ft tall , was muscular and looked like a Raider with his Mohawk haircut. "Haven't seen you around and what kind of Armor is that ?" He asked as he looked at the Wanderer. While the Wanderer didn't really feel any hostility from the guy , if he learned anything from the Wasteland , its to show Dominance. "Why ? ya Crusin for a Brusin ?" He asked with a hint of aggression. The man raised an eyebrow at the sudden aggression.

"What ? No! Im just curious. " He said trying to calm the situation down. "Oh ? Well sorry then. From where i come from, people tend to try and fook with me, only to end up with a bloodied face." Albert explained as he eased his stance and dropped the aggressive tone. "And as for your previous Question , Its called T45 Power Armor and i don't expect from you to have ever seen this armor before. But where are my manners. The name's Albert. " He said as he shook the Adventure's Hand. "Im Archibald. " he responded with a Small smirk. "So Albert , what are you doing here ? " Archibald asked , while taking a sip from his Drink. "Well mate , im here to get acquire dosh , disregard females and dispatch of the Cuck ya call the Devil King...in short : Im a Mercenary...and im short of a Job." He said as he smirked behind his helmet.

"Is that right ?" Archibald asked .

Archibald then grew a big grin.

"Well then Kiddo! Welcome to the Gates of hell!" He announced.

Albert stared at the man from behind he is visor before saying something.

"..heh...cute."

As he uttered those words , he walked towards the admission desk.

" Oh yea mister fancy pants ? if its so 'Cute ' then where are you from ? " Achibald asked , with a small cocky smile.

The Wanderer turned his head towards the Adventurer .

"Me ? Im from a Literal Fookin Nightmare." Albert said before walking off , with Dogmeat close behind him.

* * *

Luna was busy sorting paperwork when she heard Thundering footsteps towards her. As she glanced at the direction of the footsteps ,her eyes momentarily widen when she gazed upon the Rusy Walking Tank with his dog making his way towards her. She had worked in the Guild for 5 years and she had never seen such armor.

The Figure was now standing at her Counter.

"Uh excuse me , but i am looking to register as a Adventurer ? Is this the Right place ? " He asked. Luna took note of the thick Accent he had. she hasn't really heard one like that in her entire life.

"Oh! Well you are at the right place ! You will only need to pay a Registration fee and we can get started !" She stated as she composed her self.

Albert's Eye twitched as he heard he had to pay to enter the guild. Who the Fuck would make a Mercenary agency but force them to pay to enter ?! Who was Running this Place ? Colin Moriarty ?

Actually now that he thought about it , he did kill him...and considering that he came back from the dead by reincarnation...

Bah! He was getting distracted. He needed a way to join without giving a dime...and he had an idea.

Luna saw how the man started to take his helmet off. As she saw his face she gasped in surprise . " _Oh no..."_ she thought.

"(Ladykiller) Im sorry luv , but im kinda short on Dosh lately...but i am sure if you're as smart as your Beautiful , you could make an exception..." He said.

He had a Rugged yet Handsome appearance. His Golden-green eyes lazily looked deep insider her's. Small scars near his cheek and eye gave him a Warrior's look , while his whitish teeth gave a predatory appearance. His tanned skin gave him the look of a Roman prince and his Yellowish hair while oily ,made him look like a True Warrior. The Rough beard also didn't help and made him look even more like a Alpha.

".. _HE's HOT!"_ Luna thought trying to hid her red cheeks.

"I-I-I-I uhmm...uh...ehh...I could make an exception." Luna said , straightening herself and trying to hid her emotions beneath a Poker face. "Let me just get the Things. " she said before going out the backdoor.

As she entered the backdoor , Albert smirked as he put his Helmet back on. "Heh Heh Heh..she just got duped." Albert said to himself. He did notice Dogmeat's disapproving glare. " Bugger off ..." Albert hissed ...but Dogmeat still kept his glare. "If you don't stop , there won't be any Brahmin steak for dinner..." Albert said , which made the Cattle Dog stop his judgmental staring . A minute later Luna came back with a Strange Sphere like Object.

"Now allow me to explain " Luna said as he put the Strange object on the Counter. "Adventurers have different Occupations! Its made so that when people want to group up , they can know what someone's specialty is. That way , if someone is in need of a Healer in their group they could look for someone who has experience in Healing Magic like a Paladin or Priest. Or is Someone is looking for a Tank , they look for a Barbarian or Knight."

Luna then pulled , what looked like a Credit Card to Albert. "This is your Registration Card , it keeps track of how many monsters you've killed and quests you completed. The more Experience you gathered , the more skill points you can use to learn great powers, so please work hard to level up. " She finished explaining. "Now please put your hand over the Crystal." She gestured towards the 'Strange Object' that has been now named the 'Crystal'. Albert's left hand hovered over the Crystal as it suddenly lit up in a blue light. The mechanical parts came alive as a small blue beam started to form...only for it to stop.

Both Albert and Luna raised their eyebrows at the Crystal. Suddenly the Crystal lit up in a green color and continued its work. "uhh is that suppose to happen ? Albert questioned. "Not really...il have to check later with our IT person ( **IT stands for : Inter dimensional Typomancer)** " Luna explained as the Crystal finished its work. The Guild Worker then took the Card and began to read it. "Okey so your name is 'Albert "Gabriel" Cole ' and yo-"

She froze when she saw the results.

The card looked different from the usual Guild Card. Instead of being White with Brown print , the Card was Black and had Neon Green print. While the Card's Authentic Symbols , confirming its authenticity next to it were two other logos. The First one showed a Circle with a dot inside it, with three lines coming out of each side and saying 'Vault Tec. The Other was a Cartoon Man giving a Thumbs up. The other thing was his S.P.E.C.I.A.L and skills. She knew of the skills but had never seen a 'S.P.E.C.I.A.L.' Thinking about it she figured out it probably meant 'Attributes'. and so she read.

* * *

Name : Albert 'Gabriel' Cole.

Gender : Male

Race : Caucasian ( Half Afro American)

Age : 19

Level : 20

Health : 500

AP : 80

Strength : 10

Perception :6

Endurance : 7

Charisma : 8

Intelligence : 8

Agility : 6

Luck : 6

Skills:

Barter : 65

Big Guns : 75

Energy Weapons : 75

Explosives :50

Lockpick : 75

Medicine 80

Melee Weapons : 80

Repair : 100

Science : 60

Small Guns : 80

Sneak : 50

Speech : 90

Unarmed : 60

Perks! :

Ant Might!

Bloody Mess!

Rad Regeneration

Lady Killer

Daddy's Boy

Little Leaguer

Swift Learner

Educated

Iron Fist

Commando

Toughness

Lead Belly

Gunslinger

Mysterious Stranger

Nerd Rage

Law Bringer

Life Giver

Robotics Expert

Solar Powered.

Hematophage

Power Armor Training

Grim Reaper's Sprint

Rad Resistance

Gun Nut!

Size Matters

Comprehension

Strong Back!

Chem Resistance

* * *

"O-Oh My..." She gasped. "You probably the strongest here in the Entire guild! While your Luck , Perception and Agility are just slightly above average and you lack any magical skills, your Strength is Amazing ! You could Probably wrestle with a Dragon and Win ! Your Intelligence , Charisma and Endurance are also Quite high but nothing compared to your strength! You could make a great Knight or even a Bereseker! Heck even the Rare Paladin class is open to you! " She Explained , quite amazed by his stats. A small group of People have started forming around Albert as his Results were announced. Albert thought about it fora second. He knew his S.P.E.C.I.A.L and was quite aware of his tremendous strength. Sure he could go with a warrior class , but if he learned anything about the wasteland its that adapting was what made him as powerful as he was. So he made his Choice.

"Il be a Wanderer..."

Luna stared at Albert with bewilderment. Wanderer was a Combat type Class that while was similar to the knight , was more open to adaptability..sadly it came with the cost that some of the Most Powerful skills were harder to get. She expected him to say Barbarian or Crusader...but that caught her off guard. "Uhh...Alright! A Wanderer! A travelling Knight that is known for being able to adapt in any environment! A tricky class that only some of the most skilled can master!" She announced , as the people around him cheered!

Albert was meanwhile swimming in his Ego and he listened to the Praises , people gave him even though he did nothing. "Damn Roight mate! " he said as he beat his chest with one hand. Small sparks flew around from the impact. " CAUSE IM A FUCKING WANDERER! " He announced , as he Raised his fist up. The Guild continued cheering as Albert was taking the piss out of the premature celebration, by posing in heroic ways.

Seriously , what a Douchebag!

" _YES! CHEER FOR ME! FEED MY EGO FURTHER , LIKE THE LITTLE LAMBS YOU ARE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"_ Albert though in delight. Meanwhile , Dogmeat sat in a corner and did the Dog equivalent of a Facepalm.

"Welcome to the Adventure Guild , Sir Cole! Its is an Honor to have you here and we are all looking Forward to your Results ! " Luna declared as she and a group of the staff , respectfully bowed down to him.

"OKEY LADS! I PROMISE YA THAT IL GIVE IT MY BEST! AND I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING! THE DEVIL KING IS A FOOKING-"

( **I am sorry but this insult has been cut because this is a Christian Server** )

"- AND HE PROBABLY HASN'T HAD HIS HYMEN PRICED!" Albert said , as he finished his Insult. The Entire guild was silent as they had just witnessed the most Crude , disrespectful , offensive and just downright Rude Insult , in the entire history of the Adventurers Guild. After what seemed a minute people started to force themselves to cheer. To Albert this didn't matter. He now had one Goal. Get DOSH! Afterwards he would go to the front lines and get the Devil Cunt's head as a Trophy that he could hang on top of a Fireplace! The Adventurer was gonna begin now!

 _i don't want to set the world on fire!_

 _i just wanna to set a flame in your heart!_

 _i don't want to set the world on fire!_

 _i only want to tear it apart!_

* * *

 **ANNNND another chapter in this new story!**

 **So the Albert just joined the Adventurers guild!**

 **Next we will finally get some action!**

 **So i see this story had some positive feedback! That's good! I already thought people where gonna trash the ever loving FUCK out of it.**

 **But i am glad you guys enjoy it! So...QUESTION TIME!**

 **cchazyboy : Sorry but i have no plans to bring Sarah in this story. Maybe in a later act but right now there is no plan. This May change later on however! I did think About Charon and Fawkes coming to the world however!**

 **Guest : I like the Idea but i feel that considering the Lone Wanderers personality i had in mind...well lets just say the fic would end sooner and with a grim ending. Now if this was the Courier motherfucking 6 , well he would go full Rick Sanchez , build a dimensional gun , travel to our world , Buy all Fallout games , Make a list of everyone that worked on the games , search for them across the globe and punch every single one in the groin.**

 **Armyrecon : I already send you my responds kind sir. Its kinda a Spoiler but if you readers really want to know , then just PM me.**

 **TheGamerTwilight : The real Question is Why the Fook not ya Bloody Wankstain! Jokes aside the reason is because of James's Voice Actor : Liam Neeson. In Fallout 3 , your dad always had a British Accent. Now i know that its because Liam is Irish , but i still thought it would be cool if the Lone Wanderer had Inherited his father's manner of Talking. Then i Ppayed an Hour of Killing floor and after calling the Zombies " All Fur Coat no Knickers , Bitches! " i had a laught and i said ' Fuck it , the Wanderer is a Brit now! ". Also BRITISH INSULTS ARE FUCKING GOLD!**

 **So this was another chapter of "Its Always Sunny in Axel!" . I hope you guys Enjoyed it! I do have a small announcement tho!**

 **I might later on Change the Rating to an M.**

 **Not because of Lewd moments or Lemons.**

 **No.**

 **BUT LOTS OF VIOLENCE AND SWEARING! BECAUSE I AM A MATURE HUMAN BEING AND SINCE MY MOM CAN'T TELL ME TO NOT SAY BAD WORDS AGAIN ,IM GONNA EXPLOIT THE FUCK OUTTA IT! MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

 **Insanity aside , i also felt like that if i had an idea for the fic like an extremly gursome death or rather adult theme , i wouldn't be in trouble!**

 **Please share your idea in the Reviews! And please also Review! I could use any kind of criticism , since i don't want a fuck up like my last fic.**

 **So again , Thank you for reading and i wish you a Great Day!**


	3. Chapter 2

_"Fuck you. I'm human. the real deal, right down to the fookin' marrow of my bones. Don't lump me together with your Wank-stain mutants"_

 _-Albert Cole the Lone Wanderer_

 _Date : Monday 1st August 3rd Era 377_

 _Location : Axel Adventures Guild._

Albert was starring at the Quest Board.

There were a lot of choices. One quest was about killing a Goliath that has been disturbing a nearby farm. Another was about a bunch of Wolves shitting near a guard tower and a guard wanted them gone. Then there was the quest about that small army Skeleton that have made their way to a nearby Fort , while another quest was about collecting 30 Blossoms for an Alchemist. The Wanderer at that moment, noticed a pattern...

Either they were too Hard or too Easy. Now its not that he wouldn't accept these 'High Level Monster' quests but he was still new here and had no idea how to deal with the critters. What where their weakness , how do they behave , do they use magic ?

In the wasteland it was simpler.

 _Is it Attacking ? : Shoot it._

 _Your shots don't hurt it ? : Shoot it with a better weapon._

There was no ' _This Blue spider can only be hurt by fire magic , while the Red one can only be hurt by frost magic!'_ bullshit. Just Shoot it until its a bullet ridden corpse...or stab it.

And then there were the Easy quests.

If it had been him fresh out of his Vault ,he would't have any problems with these quests. But he wasn't fresh from a Vault. He was a Veteran of the Wastes. He had survived the shit Moria Brown put him through and only became tougher. He killed thousands of Mutants, from lowly Rad Roaches to Savage Deathclaws. He killed hundreds of People , some being Crazed Raiders that wanted to kill him, rob him and rape his corpse while others where trained Enclave Death Squads wearing either X-01 Power Armor or Tesla X-02 Power Armor , armed with Plasma weapons or Gatling Lasers. He had seen small settlements trying to start, only for a bunch of Raiders finding a Flamer and deciding it would be fun to torch innocent settlers with their families, or the hollow stare of Slaves as they lost all hope of freedom in Paradise Falls. He had not just cleared out a fuck ton of Raider hideouts making them ultimately scared of him, but when he got captured by the Enclave , he escaped and then tricked the President into blowing himself the fuck up and leaving the Enclave Main Base a smoldering ruin.

He was the goddamned Lone Wanderer!

While he would do these quests when he was bored, right now he wanted to fuck something up to such a degree that their motherwould feel it in the morning.

So he looked closer to the Board when he found something.

' _Goblin Den of the Goblin Lord"_

 _"Goblin's don't sound that bad ..."_ Albert thought as he grabbed the quest page.

He made his way to Luna.

As he gave her the Quest paper her eyes widen. "Uh but Mister Cole this quest is recommended for level 50 Adventurers only! You are only Level 20! Are you sure you want to accept this quest ?" She she asked with a worried expression. He was surprised at the Level cap for the quest. In the board game' Battlemace : Age of Grognak! 'Goblins were lower class enemies working for the Orks. They were easy to handle , but they could swarm someone easily due to the lack of Attack points needed to use against them. Maybe he should take an easier quest , like picking those flowers for the Alchemist.

" _Oh and maybe we could go on the epic quest of painting our fingernails, try on dresses and talk about cute boys! "_ Albert sarcastically thought to himself.

" Yea im gonna take the quest. " Albert responded. Luna nodded and started going back to doing paper work and confirming that he accepted the quest.

"Oh and Albert !" Luna Cried out before he left.

" Yea ? " He question , turning his head back at her.

"Please be careful, we all believe that you have a great potential in this guild." Luna said with a sad expression.

Albert Just smirked and looked at her.

"Don't worry...ive had worse!"

* * *

( play : Im a Wanderer by Dion)

 **Its Always Sunny in Axel**

 **A Konosuba/Fallout Fanfic.**

 **Act 1**

 **Chapter 2**

 **Albert has issues.**

* * *

 _"Oh well, I'm the type of guy who will never settle down_

 _Where pretty girls are, well you know that I'm around_

 _I kiss 'em and I love 'em cause to me they're all the same_

 _I hug 'em and I squeeze 'em they don't even know my name"_

Those were the words coming out of Albert's Pip-boy, accompanied by a catchy tune. After Downloading the Map of the Kingdom of Belzerg to his Pip-boy and looking at the location, he started making his way to the Den. Apparently it was a 3 Hour walk West from Axel ,in a Location known as the Braun Forest. It was called that because due to a strange phenomenon ,where the entire forest was stuck in Autumn.

The way to the forest was adventurous enough.

He had seen beauty thatehe could have only dreamed of.

Green Grass fields were the first things he saw on his way towards the forest. On the way he saw small farms or Villages profiting off the Grass's rich soil , something Wastelanders only wished they could do. Then he arrived into some Woods. The place while not the Forest , was still filled with small pines and small bushes. He had also seen a few Deer once in the wood. Back in the wasteland the closest to a deer were Radstags...and they weren't exactly beautiful...

He had however been attacked a few times. The First attacker was a Bear he met in the woods. He didn't notice it until Dogmeat growled at a bush. Out jumped a big Brown Bear that roared in anger. Not really intimidated since he killed Yao Guai before who looked like bears that came from hell , he aimed his 10mm pistol at the Bear's head and shot it five times. After the big fella slumped over and died , Albert took out his Combat Knife and started skinning the bear. He got a good pelt that he could once maybe turn into a cloak or sell it ...and he was pretty sure that he also had dinner for tonight. After that when he was deeper in the woods he got ambushed by a few wolves. Although to be honest they weren't really a threat since he dealt with mutated wild dogs back in DC , and the wolves also died after two shots from his side arm . Dogmeat even ripped one of the wolves throat out. When they Got to the entrance of the forest they encountered another beast. If his old Biology books back in Vault 101 taught him , then what he was looking at was a Boar...a rather big one at that. The Hairy Pig had let out a squealing roar and attacked the wanderer. This time ,Albert had to roll out of the way since the thing seemed to be bigger then the Bear he fought. He tried to shoot at it with his pistol , but either the shot didn't connect , or the Boar didn't give a shit. The Boar turned around and charged at the wanderer again , only for Dogmeat to jump at it and try to bite at its throat. The Boar tried to shake the Cattle dog off and ultimately missed its target slamming into a Tree. As the Boar was dazed , Dogmeat jumped off and started circling the Oversize pig , while Albert switched his 10mm , with his Remington Model 700 Hunting Rifle 'Ol'Painless'. The Gun's Stock had a Vault Tec Pain job , and hanging from the barrel of the Rifle was a small necklace made out of Mirkelurk claws. He took three shots at the Boar ,all heading towards its head causing them to price its skull and splatter its brain matter across a tree. After skinning it and taking more Meat for dinner tonight , the Duo made their way towards the Den.

 _They call me the wanderer_

 _Yeah, the wanderer_

 _I roam around, around, around_

* * *

Albert crouched behind a bush as he obsevered through the scope of his DKS-501 Sniper Rifle ' Reservists Rifle'. The Entire gun had a Woodland Camo and on the side of the rifle was a Smiley face and a Peace Sign. Next to the stock was written in a Black marker 'You can run , but you'l only die tired.' . Since he was alone, he had to be his own spotter. The Cave was on a small Muddy cliff face. Around the Cave was a small goblin camp with a small fire place and a few tents made out of Fur. Near the Camp were spears that had banners Hanging from their tip. The Banners were also made out of Fur and had a Symbol drawn on it with white chalk. It looked like a snake that surrounded a Bone and hanging from its mouth was a Axe . The Goblins themselves were only about 6. They were about the size of a 10 year old , had muddy green skin, were hunched over, had hooked noses and red eyes. They also had these long elf looking ears and wore only a loin cloth. Their weaponry consisted of shitty rusty swords or wooden clubs.

There were two other creatures there too...

They looked like humanoid wolves.

They , like the goblin, were hunched over and thanks to their disheveled fur looked more like a rat then a wolf. They also were slightly bigger then the goblins and looked a bit muscular. Unlike the Goblin's shitty gear , the Wolf creatures wore rusty iron armor and their swords looked like the might have looted it from an dead adventurer.

If Albert had to guess , those two were the 'commanders' of sorts. If he took them out , the others would probably panic and were easy pickings...

Albert put a silencer on the Reservist Rifle as he started to take aim.

"Come on ya wanker...just stand still..." Albert whispered to himself as he waited for one of the Wolf Creatures to stand still.

A few minutes passed , until one of them sat by the fire and started drinking ale from a bottle. Albert decided that he would take his chance now.

 _Holding breath._

 **PENG**

 _Exhale._

The Wolf Creature's head went backwards as the .308 round connected with the frontal lobe. The back of his head cracked open like and egg due to the kinetic force and bits of Brain and gore splashed against the cliff face. The other Wolf Monster (and goblins) froze at the sight of his kin's head turning into pulp and was about to call for reinforcements. Unfortunately for him , another bullet flew out of nowhere and turned his chest into a gaping hole. He was gasping for a few seconds before he fell face first on the ground and died , blood flowing freely from his mouth and chest. The Goblins didn't know what to do. Usually the 'Rookie Killers' would give them orders and also be their trump card against adventurers. Suddenly before a Goblin, a small acorn fell to its feet. It picked up and noticed its strange weight. It also had a strange green coloration and a yellow stripe on it. Now that it thought about it , it looked closer to a pineapp-

 **BOOM**

What was before a badly organized camp run by goblins , looked now more like a bloodbath. Blood had splatted the Cliffside entrance and camp in general. Goblin guts and limbs decorated the place. the Banners were ripped apart by the grenade blast and were in tatters. The only thing not destroyed was the fire place. One Goblin who had survived felt dazed as its ears were ringing while another was clutching the bloody stump that it used to called its leg. Suddenly a massive Dog jumped out of the bushes and started mauling the crippled Goblin. It tried to resist but after a few bites to its neck , it went limp. The dazed Goblin tried to crawl away , only to be stepped on by what it would describe as an elephant foot and it gasped for air as it felt its organs slowly being crushed. It slowly turned its head towards what it would describe as a Golem made out of Metal. "Well...nighty ,night Bitch ! " The Golem said , in what sounded like a muffled voice , before it raised its strange crossbow.

 **BANG**

Then the Goblin's world went dark.

* * *

"Level 50 my ass..." Albert cursed. He had expected more trouble when attacking the den. Yet in under a Minute he had taken out eight ceatuers with such ease, even a fucking raider could have done that. "Well...time to finish this." Albert said as he dematerialized the Reservists rifle into his Pip-boy. He looked over himself just to check if he had everything. The 10mm 'Rage' was in its holster by his side. Ol'Painless was strapped to his back. Attached to his right foot was a sheath with a combat knife in it and on his left foot was a holstered sawed off Shotgun 'for emergencies' . Hanging from hip were a few grenades that he attached there. Having found that he had everything , he materialized his PPsh-51 Combat Shotgun ' The Terrible Shotgun. The entire shotgun was either black or dark gray. The shotgun had scratches all over it and had a small Tooth on a string attached to it as a 'Lucky Charm'. At the side of the barrel it said " Better dead , then Red." as it had been scratched into it with a knife. On the Stock a drawing of a skeleton with sharp teeth ,smiling evily. The Lone Wanderer pumped the shotgun with one hand and gazed at the Cave entrance. Behind his helmets visor he frowned and gave an Evil Grin. "Okay. No more mister bloody nice guy!" He said as he charged into the Den with Dogmeat following behind.

This battle was going to be red hot!

* * *

As he entered the Cave he was greeted by a Stone corridor decorated with more of the fur banners and skulls on pikes. The Corridor wasn't well lit but Albert could see a lit torch at the end of the Corridor . As he got there , a Goblin just made its way towards the Corridor , since it kept hearing the floor shaking. As it got there , it met face to face with the Power armored Lone Wanderer. Before it could utter anything , Albert raised the Terrible shotgun and shot it straight in the gut. The Goblin was flung to the Cave wall. It laid there and wide eyed stared at its lower body. Its Intestines were exposed and it was pretty sure it saw parts of its spine poking out. As it was about to look up , another shot rang out and everything above the lower jaw , was sprayed on the Wall. As the Wanderer turned his head to his left as he saw a group of Goblins sitting by a Fire , staring at him wide eyed.

Oh and one of the Wolf Things was there too!

Albert just raised his hands in challenge and said "Come on! Ya' want some, ya' poncies?!"

The Wanderer then turned on a song on his Pip-boy that he had once recorded from GNR.

 _I love those dear hearts and gentle people_

 _Who live in my home town_

 _Because those dear hearts and gentle people_

 _Will never ever let you down_

The Goblins sneered as they brandished their weapons and let out their terrifying war cry!

" LULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULULU!"

Ferocious...

Albert cracked his neck before pumping the Terrible shotgun.

"That's what i thought..."

Albert started blasting the incoming Goblin with a small smirk behind his helmet. The Cave walls were slowly turning from a muddy brown to a dark crimson with every shot. Organs and limbs started to litter the Den more with every shot. The Goblins were relentless. The charged blindly into their deaths only to end up with 12 gauge flying into their flesh and turning into mush. Dogmeat had also taken care of a few goblins that tried to flank him by pouncing on them and mangle them when they got too close. He even took out the Wolf Monster. As he was finishing the last Goblins off, one of them tried to ambush him only for it to be to have Albert's hand wrapped around its neck. "Oi Mate! Ya ever watched the movie 'Predator ' ? " Albert asked the struggling Goblin.

He dropped the Terrible Shotgun and wrapped his other hand around the Creature's Torso and started pulling. The Goblin gave a few panicked gasps before going... **pop.**

The Goblin's head was detached from its shoulder with the Goblin's facial features indicating terror and its spinal cord hanging from its head. A Shower of blood soaked the walls and the Wanderer. Albert just dropped the Monster's body and head on the floor and picked up his Shotgun again. "Soft as shite!" he cursed as he turned his helmet's flashlight on. Dogmeat who was currently feasting upon a goblin's Intestines noticed his masters departure and with a cute bloody snout followed him deeper into the cave.

* * *

 _A few Minutes and more Massacred Goblins later..._

The Cave seemed to have a certain structure.

The cave would be build with narrow corridors that would always end up in a big cavern. The deeper he went the more of the Goblin's 'culture' he found. Totems, tents made out of Bear fur and general Tribalistic decoration told him that Goblins were a tribal society, surviving in a brabatianesque lifestyle by raiding Humans and Elves and bringing their stuff back to camp. He later on found harder opposition in the form of Goblin Archers and Shamans. While the Archer's shitty Bows didn't really do anything , the Shamans actually gave him a bit of trouble since they used what he feared most : Magic. While the Fire Balls didn't really hurt him, the Frost spell had actually frozen his armor once and the shock spells were EMP levels of dangerous on his Power Armor. Luckily with the Xuanlong Assault Rifle, a Unique AK-74 with a Black Paint Job and the drawing of a White Chinese Dragon on it, he gunned down the Witches. As he made his way deeper he arrived to the Biggest cavern yet. It was so big, the Goblin's actually build a small wooden Fort in there. On the Fort walls were Goblins who wore Iron armor and had a Helmet's made out of a Wolf's skulls. If he had to guess , considering how the previous Goblins only either only wore loincloths or Fur Armor, they were the 'Royal Guard' . Behind this fort the 'Goblin Lord' was surly waiting. Albert materialized Miss Launcher before taking careful aim. After finding it in Fort Independence he repaired it, gave it a Quad Barrel and installed a targeting computer on it. The Missile Launcher was a RPG-7 that had a Silver Paint job and a doodle of a Hot Chick laying on the beach. "OPEN WIDE YA CUNTS!" Albert shouted as he jumped out of his cover and Shot out all 4 Missiles at the Fort. The Goblins didn't have time to react as they and their fort were being blown apart. Goblins were thrown against the wall as the wooden structures went in flames.

"Ka Boom!" Albert shouted in victory as he raised Miss Launcher. Now all that was left was to kill the 'Goblin' Lord.

It was probably gonna be some slightly bigger Goblin with a weird crown and a scepter made out of bones or something , nothing he couldn't handle. As he walked towards the Ruined Fort he heard loud footsteps.

"Wut the..." Albert said before out of the Corner of his eye he spotted the entrance to the final Cavern. Out of the shadowy corridor he could see a massive shape making it way towards him. If he had to guess , it was about 8ft tall and looked very broad.  
And out it came indeed.

" **FEE FI FO FUM** " A thundering voice bellowed.

"Who **Dares** to kill my subjects and raid **MY DEN?!** " The owner of the voice announced .

Infront of Albert stood a massive beast of a...well beast. It stood as mentioned previously 8ft in height. It had dark green skin with small scars all over Its body and had body structure of a bodybuilder. The Creature had frowning yellow eyes and had sharp crooked teeth. Two small horns came out of each side of his head. He wore two Palaudrons made out of steel that had spikes on them and he wore a loincloth made out of a Tiger's Fur. He had several small spikes all over his body. His weapon were two massive Brass Knuckles out of Gold.

And now this Giant Goblin was staring at The Lone Wanderer in his Power Armor.

 _BOSS : GOBLIN LORD_

 ** _"HERE'S A REAL HIGH CLASS BATTLE!_**

"Huh...thought you'd be smaller..." Albert said, only to end up getting punched in the chest with the power of a freight train. Albert was flung into a wall and was stuck on it for a few seconds until he fell off it and landed on the hard cold ground.

"Ow."

"Pathetic...you come into **MY** Lair and Slaughter **MY** People , yet you cannot even compare to my **POWER**!" The Goblin Lord exclaimed as he dramatically posed. Before Albert could stand up , the Goblin Lord jumped towards him and grabbed his leg. He then started swinging Albert as if he was a rag doll, smashing him into the cave wall and Floor several times. " Of course a **Low Level** adventurer such as yourself would never beat **ME**! For **I** have fought many beasts to earn **MY** power and have challenged many Goblin Tribes and Won! I expected you to put up a better fight since you killed **MY** Subjects but it seems you are nothing but a Filthy Coward! " He declared as he started punching Albert in his power armored face. " A shame really! My plans for conquest will surly make me a great member of the Devil King's Army! When i hand him Axel , he will see my greatness and i shall become a General of his Army!¨" The Goblin Lord said as he dramatically spread his arms.

Albert was laying on the floor.

The entire armor was at 70% durability.

It was covered in dents and scratches .

He opened his Pip-Boy in his HuD and looked at his damage. His health was a 376 and he was suffering from internal bleeding. While the armor Protected him from damage , but the sheer Kinetic force behind the Goblin's beating was rivaling that of a Behemoth. Following that was the fact the he had a bunch of broken ribs , his left leg was broken , and he was pretty sure his Right Arm was on the wrong side. Standing up with his left arm , he grabbed his right arm and started pulling. He bit his teeth down until he heard a pop coming from his right arm. He then twisted his arm back into place and started moving his finger to see if it was back to normal. Luckly for him it only gave him some small pain indicating that it got fixed.

Albert then pulled out some Psycho and injected it into himself.

His vision went red as his eyes turned Blood shot. His muscles started to bulge and his heart started to beat faster then ever before. Thoughts of murder, destruction and mutilation filled his head.

 **"OH YEA! FOOKIN KILL!"** He shouted in excitement .

"Hmmm...it seems you aren't such a wimp after all. No matter...i will give you a Warriors death b-" The Goblin Lord began , but was cut off when he felt a Dog bite him in his arse. "OW! WHY YOU LI-" he was agian interrupted his knee cap was blown apart. While the Goblin Lord had begun to monologue again, Albert materialized his Terrible Shotgun.  
"COME ON!? WHERE ARE ALL THOSE TOUGH WORDS YOU HAD BEFORE ?!" Albert said , as he shot the Oversized beast a few times in the chest.

The Lord's chest looked like ground beef , as he clutched it. Blood had been pouring out at an alarming rate. he cough out blood as he starred at the Wanderer. "W-What weaponry is this ?!" He gasped as he tried to breath through his punctured lunges.

" MY FOOKIN SHOTGUN YOU CUNT!" He screamed as he jumped on top of him and started to beat him , repeatedly in the face.

The Goblin lord could do nothing but watch as he was not just being beaten to death , but also ripped apart by the Wanderer.

When the Psycho started to wear off , albert started to clearly see what he had done. The Lord's left arm was missing , he had a football sized hole thought his belly and the intestines were covering Albert head to toe **and** the top half of his skull was bruised and mushed.

Albert just sat there in trying to get back to his senses, as he heard Dogmeat whine behind him.

"Good boy..." the Wanderer said , as he petted Dogmeat behind his ears.

" Yea...get fooked!" Albert cursed as he looked at the green corpse. Cracking his neck and injecting himself with a Stimpack , Albert made his way towards the Lord with a Bag and a Ripper in his hand. "lets get this over with..." he muttered as he slowly started cutting the head off...or rather what was left of it.

...

...

...

 _ **"KNOCKOUT!"**_

* * *

 _a Half hour later_

Albert sat outside the Den next to a camp fire and without his helmet. Dogmeat was currently eating a 'Goblin tartar' that Albert had prepared for his pet. Albert meanwhile was grilling the Goblin Lord's Arm and some Bear Steaks on the fire. Albert had cut off a finger as he started chewing on the Goblin's meat. "Hmmm...tastes like molerat..." he muttered as he continued to dine. He was going to sleep near the den tonight and tomorrow turn in the quest. He decided to stare at the night ski to pass the time. He already found the Woods to be very beautiful and lively...but the sky was lit up! It was like a Fantasy Novel...

A Fantasy Novel...

Albert realized how strange his situation was to him..yet he accepted it. He accepted it because in a way he was glad to experience such natural beauty...

To experience, not having to sleep with one eye open.

To experience drinking clean and non radioactive water...

Maybe the Idiot Goddess wasn't as bad as he thought even if she hurt Dogmeat...

Since he could now experience such beauty.

...

...

...

He was still gonna beat her ass though...

* * *

 _Next morining_

 _Axel : Adventurers Guild_

 _"_ HONEY IM HOME!" Albert yelled as he kicked open the door to the guild. Several Guild members jumped at the sudden appearance of the Power armored Behemoth. As he made his way to Luna's desk , people noticed that his armor , looked more dented then yesterday...and they were pretty sure that the armor was stained in blood.

"Albert You made it! " Luna excitedly noticed him making his way towards her. " Well im gonna admit that the fooker had a nasty hook , but in the end 12 gauge rounds can turn any asshole into hamburger meat." Albert bragged."oh an here's the proof of death. " Albert said as he pulled out a heavy bag.

A big , Bloody , Smelly , Bag with an oversize Goblin's head.

Luna peered into the bag as her face paled at the sight of it contents.

Also the smell of ammonia didn't help.

"By Eris ! What the hell." Luna shouted in horror , as she backed away from the bloodied bag. "What , it the proof of death. How else am i suppose to confirm the completion of the contract ? " Albert said trying to calm Luna down. "Y-y-your card..." she mentioned as she tried to recompose herself.

It took a few seconds for him to realize what she meant. "Oh yea...kinda forgot about that..." he muttered as he took it out of his pocket. Luna inspected the card as she read the contents. "I see...you wiped the cave clean...the list of goblin casuatlites is quite high..." She said , impressed by the fact of the feat of the medium level Wanderer. Normally people had to group up to defeat the Den , but he did it alone...or rather with his dog.

"Well after calculating this all , the reward is 500 000 Eris."

Albert's eyes nearly jumped out of its sockets as he heard how much he made...

"5-5-500 000..." he whispered to himself.

As Luna handed him the bag , he started rubbing it against his cheek. "So much dosh..."

His mood having greatly improved and having gotten payed Albert did the sensible thing.

He ordered a King sized menu for him and Dogmeat. He wasn't going to lie, the meal had put a small dent of his newly earned money but after having lived through radioactive Oblivion , the Wanderer decided to once eat like a King. Sure, he had still had the Goblin King's leftovers, but frankly he was already tired of the taste of molerat.

As he was finishing up , he noticed a Group of Adventures Making their way toward him. Two Girls and a Boy. Both girls looked quite frankly under dressed. One had blond hair in a pony tail and the other had ..pink hair.

However it the boy that made Albert nearly choke on his "Filet des Axel".

If Albert could describe him in one Word it would be : Fuckboy.

The Boy wore a Golden trimmed, Purple Plate armor , giving him the appearance of a Knight in shining armor. His face looked like a typical Prince Charming with blond hair and a Circlet. He also wore a Purple cape.

"Excuse me , but are the new adventurer Albert Cole ?" the Fuckboy said.

"Yea mate , watcha need ? " Albert responded in a bored manner. "Hello , My name is Mitsurugi Kyouya and i am a Famous Hero in these lands! " the Fuckboy boasted as he puffed his chest. "And a few days ago after returning from one of my Adventures to get some supplies and i heard about a new adventurer who not just had an amazing score on his class choices , but also wiped out a Goblin Den even though he was under leveled. And i must say i am very impressed."Kyouya said. Albert just raised his eyebrow. "Alright...are you in need of a quest or somethin ? Cause im sure that you would have to go to the desk to give out a quest."

"Oh nothing like that...infact i am here for another reason : Do you want to join my Group ? " The Knight said proudly. Albert just stared at him before chuckling. "Sorry mate , but i work alone...besides i don't like to share..." .

Mitsurugi Kyouya thought for a moment before getting an idea. "Why not just follow us only for this adventure and then you could decide whether or not you want to stay! We are really in need of a Wanderer. " The Fuckboy said , trying to convince him.

Albert frankly didn't give two shits , but he knew that his father would want him to help people...

Just like in the wasteland.

"And why do you need me exactly " He questioned . "Well , Wanderer's are known for being adaptable to most enviroments. And there is a quest where we will need your specialty. There a Dungeon north of here in the mountains. The Place houses a powerful artifact. The catch however is that the room is filled with poisonous gas."

Albert already knew where this was going...and frankly he didn't have to many problems with this. His suit of power armor had not just a Filtration system build into the helmet's Gasmask , but he had to extra packs of oxygen on his back. Its easy money and if he only had to work with them this once.

"Oh and the pay is 1 million Eris." Fuckboy mentioned.

At that the sound of a cash register could be heard in the distance , as Albert heard this.

"Well in that case..." Albert said and stood up. he clenched Kyouya's hand with his Power armor'd gauntlet , making the Knight nearly scream in agony due to the sheer pressure.

"SIGN ME RIGHT THE FOOK UP!"

 **YO WUS POPPIN JIMBO!**

 **kept you guys waiting ?**

 **Pretty sure i did.**

 **So yea sorry about that. General laziness and the fact that i didn't have as much time as i wanted , held me back. But we are here now arent we ?**

 **So lets get over to the Comments shall we ?**

 **Artyom-Dreizehn : I am glad that you enjoy my fic ! While i think that Fallout 4 is one of the least good Fallout games , i still enjoyed it , which was mostly due to the Power Armor system. The Repair and Fusion Core system is still there , but it will be toned down with fusion cores lasting at least a week. Fallout doesn't exist in Kazuma's universe...instead there is however the 'Wasteland' series that is owned by the Gaming studio 'Maryland Gamestudios'. Cattledogs are actually kinda small...however i decided to make him the size of an Irish Wolfhound with the cheap excuse of Radiation and FEV. Btw Megumin will use Dogmeat as a stead. I will try to Update more freaquently but i will have to take care a of a curse...a curse called ' Quentin is a lazy fucker'**

 **Mastermind : ...Define Main?**

 **I mean i can tell you it won't exactly work. Why ?**

 **1: He is called the Lone Wanderer for a reason you Dolt! ( im sorry , you're not a dolt)**

 **2 : Most girls would not exactly be intresed in him or he wouldn't be.**

 **Darkness : He would have a small crush since she looks like Sarah , but she has no interest since she is interested in a Scumbag...and Albert has the Highest Karma...for wasteland standards.**

 **Megumin : Too young , Christ Hansen would not be pleased**

 **Yun Yun : ALSO TOO YOUNG**

 **Aqua: ...ha...Ha...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ( GETOUTOFHERESTALKER)**

 **Wiz : actually...this could work in a way...maybe...maybe...we'll see.**

 **Eris : ERIS PADS HER CHEST**

 **So yea...With the Exception of Wiz , non w^would really fit with him...( Also sneak peek : Wiz will be in the Next Chapter for all you Necrophiliacs)**

 **Guest : Well sorry , but i have an Entire Steam Library that needs to be played through ! Sorry if i have a non existent life outside of Writing shitty fanfics .**

 **Also here are your tunes.**

 **6 : MY N'WAH! *High fives you**

 **Big Smoke : YOU PICKED THE WRONG FANFICTION , FOOOOOOOL!**

 **Anyway , yes a few of Fallout's gaming mechanics will be used in the fic. Mostly it will be for dialog and things , but from time to time i might make a few cheap jokes of using Ingame mechanics in the world of Konosuba.**

 **Also your meme is stale.**

 **Queen Ava : OHHH MAN! I have been waiting for this review ?**

 **Why ? Because i loved it!**

 **You actually gave me Criticism! You actually told me where i fucked up and how i could improve!**

 **THANK YOU!**

 **Seriously , things like this help me a lot , you wouldn't believe!**

 **Anyway , a good news is , im going to take my CPE test on the 1st December and im currently taking English courses in preparation for the Exam. I already have a CAE ( which i nailed with a B- ) But i am quite aware of my shit writing...**

 **I did however check my writing before posting this chapter...heck i even changed certain aspects of the chapter. Problem is , sometimes i just suck at spotting mistakes until it is too late. I was thinking about Editing programms , but...well i don't know any good ones that aren't a virus...**

 **Anyway , i hope you stick around and enjoy this fic!**

 **Irresponsible boredom : already PM'd Response.**

 **Again thanks for the Review!**

 **Now i have a slightly saddening news...**

 **I MIGHT...MIGHT go to the Army.**

 **Not the American one...but the Swiss one ( so don't worry , i won't get killed by ISIS soldier before i complete this fic)**

 **If i go , some chapters of this fic will take longer to be made...but if i am not accepted , i will return to being a jobless loser writing fanfiction...god my life is a fucking mess now that i think about it...**

 **Anyway , i hope you guys enjoy this and i wish you a Happy Halloween**

 **p.s Should i put this fic on M ? since this chapter was quite the gore fest...**


	4. Chapter 3

_" In all things a calm heart must prevail."_

 _\- Fawkes the Mata Human_

 _Date : Tuesday 2nd August 3rd Era 377_

 _Location : Axel Town Square_

After having nearly crushed some kid's hand , Albert apologized and afterwards discussed with Kyouya the plans. Tomorrow they would meet up at Kyouya's inn and make their way to the North. There they would enter a place called 'Snake's Point'.

Apparently its an old Tomb/Temple.

The Tomb was once a temple that belonged to some cultist lord called Tesla Doom , who had a Blindworm themed cult. The cult got really popular because a lot of edgy mages wanted to join since they thought it was a snake themed cult due to the Temple's name, but usually regretted the decision afterwards when they found out it was about Blindworms. The cult's original Plan was to ascend into the status of the mystical Blindworm...a Animal which looks like a cute snake...except its a limbless lizard. This all changed when the Cult leader found 'the CHIM egg'. The CHIM egg was a artifact which could grant anyone it deemed worthy one wish.

There were two problems however.

1\. No one really understood how to activate the egg.

and 2. If it deemed you unworthy, it would kill you.

Well turns out that being activated by a Cult led by a weirdo who had a Blindworm fetish seemed kinda insulting to the Egg...so it gassed the room with deadly poison. Many had tried to reclaim the egg , but usually didn't make it past 2 meters before they were overwhelmed by the gasses. Albert knew that most people would die from this, but he wasn't most people. He had full confidence in his natural rad resistance and the Armor's air filtration system, so he wasn't worried.

After finishing their meeting, they went their separate ways. Albert decided to sell some of the loot that he had found during his quest. The small jewels and bits of iron ore he found when he looted the Goblin den yesterday ,he managed to sell for a small price. The rest such as the Rusty armors and weapons weren't accepted. Again in the wasteland, trash surprisingly could save someone's life. Whether it be to craft armor or weapons, recycling was important in the wasteland. It dissapointed him, since smiths could use the Rusty armors by smelting them and then reuse them to reforge.

Oh the humanity. If only people would care more for the environment.

Anyway, while he was getting kicked out of one of the shops he briefly heard "DO I LOOK LIKE WIZ ?! IF YOU WANT TO BUY AND SELL TRASH ,FIND HER!" before the store owner shut the door infront of him.

"Wiz..." Albert muttered as he looked at the sky. Trash can always be used for great things...like making the Rock-it-launcher or the Shishkebab. Then there was the Bottle cap mine...and who could forget the beautiful Railway rifle...or Deathclaw Gauntlet.

His point being : Trash = Potential Weapons of Mass Destruction.

And he loved himself some mass destruction...

* * *

 **Its Always Sunny in Axel**

 **A Konosuba/Fallout Fanfic**

 **Act 1**

 **Chapter 3**

 **"Those are some nice Breast you got there, lass"**

* * *

Finding Wiz's shop wasn't as hard as he had thought it would be. When he asked around, most people would either say how kind she is and where she was located or they would ask him why he would want to buy anything at her's since most things are either 'over leveled' or just of poor quality. Still, he was sure he would find something useful...that he could weaponize...

Another thing he was desperately needing would be a bestiary and maybe a few history books if he found any. The more he knew about the place, the better were his chances for survival. As he arrived to the shop he decided to enter without further delay.

He nearly didn't fit through the door frame due to his massive rusty armor. As he made his way to the Shop's desk, he heard a rather gentle voice.

"Sorry, I am just finishing up back there. I will be here rather shortly dear customer."

Not really saying something, Albert decided to take a look. Dogmeat had found a corner and settled there for a nap, while his master took a look around.

The shop was filled to the brim with potions, crystals, scrolls, books and other things that he would deem as 'generic rpg merchant ' things. He played enough 'Battlemace: Age of Grognak' to know the ins and out of things like that. As he was inspecting a few items, he heard a door open and close behind the counter.

"Sorry I was just sorting a few things out back there , how can I-" The voice said before coming to a halt. Albert turned around and got a good look at vendor he heard about. She wore a Purple dress with a purple cloak that was trimmed with gold, had fair skin and straight brown hair with a bit of it covering her right eye. Her eyes had the color of **Chest** nuts in Autumn.

Oh and she had some HUGE ass Knockers.

Like seriously: Albert was already impressed by Luna's Mini Nuke's but the Girl in front of him had beaten her by a long run. Right now he was glad that he was wearing his helmet, since he was able to glance at them tatas without seeming like a pervert. Now keep in mind, it was less about the fact that he was staring at boobs and more over the fact that he was questioning how they grew to such size. It couldn't be mutations, since the place lacked radiation and FEV. Could it be cause of the fact that they had a shit ton of milk from non mutated cows ? Or was it perhaps that she had surgically grown them...or maybe magically.

That could be possible.

Or maybe they were natural.

Albert wasn't blind. He had noticed that almost everyone in this place looked either cute or beautiful. Sure there were a few less pretty people but compared to the wasteland, almost everyone looked like a Playboy magazine model.

While Albert was caught in his thoughts, Wiz was too busy being frozen at the sight of rusted massive golem that stood right infront of her, and too was caught in her own thoughts.

* * *

" _Oh no."_ Wiz said as she felt the cold gaze from the massive being infront of her. She should have guessed that something like this would happen , since she heard the massive footsteps when the golem entered her shop. Who could have send it she wondered. Had the Axis church found out about her being a Lich and had conjured a golem to finish her off ? The being was just staring at her , probably waiting for its master's orders...or maybe it was thinking about how it was going to crush her...

"Please don't hurt me..." Wiz quietly said as he kept her eyes on the golem. Suddenly the golem moved it head side wards...confused ?

"What ?"

"D-d-did you just talk ?!" Wiz sputtered out at the golem's sudden capability for speech. "uhh...yes ?" the Metal being said sounding even more confused.

"People talk..right ?"

"Wait...you're a person!" Wiz gasped , trying to understand what 'it' was meaning."Uhh...are ya fookin retarded or-Oh right the helmet" The Goelm said , before realizing that it still wore its power armor. As he took off his helmet, Wiz was greeted by a rather pleasant looking face. "Sorry about that , keep forgettin that my armor is rather different from the usual." He said , scratching the back of his head. "But allow me to introduce myself."

"Name's Albert Cole : Wanderer." Albert told her as he shook her hand.

"Uhh...I am Wiz the Shop keeper! Sorry for freaking out for a second." She nervously said. "Its foin lass, I get that my armor is pretty freaky."

"Its fine. I should be the one apologizing for making such a drama." She said. Not really wanting to continue talking about this , he decided to change topics. "So I heard you're a vendor. I am lookin for a Bestiary and and some history books. And maybe some items you have on sale ?"

"Oh! Well of course I will bring you all I have! " She exclaimed , before running back to the back of the shop. He could hear the noise of her rummaging in the back. As he was waiting for her to get his shit , he decided to light a cig for the time being. He wasn't really a smoker , but frankly he had nothing to do right now so fuck it. He then took out a pair of headphones and a Grognak comic out. He attached the headphones to his power armor's Pipboy support system and played a song he once found in a Bunker in DC. Turns out that Jazz and Swing weren't all the music that existed in the world. A lot of Pre war songs were banned in the US for being unpatriotic. So a lot of the cooler songs he found came from the UK or Europe. He obviously enjoyed the songs and he even made copies for Three Dog so that Galaxy News Radio was't as dull as it started to become.

* * *

"Sorry , but this is all that I have at the moment , I can however order more books for you if you would li-" Wiz said before she came to a halt at another sight. The Customer that she was serving was standing in next to the counter , reading a weird thin book, smoking , while...singing?

" _Just call me angel of the morning baby, just touch my cheek before you leave me baby! Just call me angel of the morning baby, then slowly turn away from me!_ " while lightly moving his hips."uh...Excuse me , but I found your stuff." she said, but to no avail as he looked like he was ignoring her.

Realizing that he wasn't paying attention, she lightly tapped his shoulder. Before she could blink , he grabbed her wrist and with lightning fast reflexes and pulled out a knife. "Okey who's looking to di-...oh its you...sorry , just my survival reflex, I really didn't mean to scare ya like that." He said , gently letting go of her and and putting his knife away. Wiz was frozen like a statue at this point. "I-I-I-It F-f-f-f-f-fine..." she said , her voice shaking. They both stood there awkwardly staring at each other. "Soo...whatcha got lass ? " He said , trying to defuse the situation.

Turns out the books that she had were not just a few years old but had a few stains and were not quite up-to-date. While it was annoying that he didn't have a complete encyclopedia , Albert didn't mind that much. Besides , he could always study a few things himself by experience and and update certain parts of the books. While browsing the store for more things , Wiz kept giving him a few nervous glances.

Albert had found a few interesting things at least. Wiz apperantly sold a few ' Fire Resistant lotions' in the shop. Problem was that they would usually set the person on fire rather then protect them if they were underleveled ( or had bad luck).

Albert found some replacement fuel for his Flamer.

There were some Tomes that could help someone learn magic...problem was that they would blind someone for a few minutes.

Albert found some Flashbangs

Another thing of interest he found were these potion that would make one get stronger , but also go berserk...on friend and foe.

So basically a replacement for Psycho...

Noice.

He payed the Girl and left the store with the things he bought. Realizing that he had time to kill , Albert wondered what to do ?

Do that lame ass Quest with the flowers ?

Build a small home ?

or...

Get shitfaced and high while partying at the Guildhall.

...

...

...

Before Albert rushed to the Guild Hall's Bar , he decided to put an alarm for 5 am in the morning on his pipboy.

* * *

23: 45

"WHADDA YU MEANSH I CANTSH HAVE MORE BOOOZZZ!" a Very drunk Albert slurred/roared at the Barmaid. He arrived at around 18:35 to the Guild and hasn't stopped drinking since then. People were impressed by the fact that 2 hours later he was only slightly tipsy even though he had finished 30 bottles of ale. After a few other Adventurers joined him , Shit started to hit the Fan. He drank more ale and by the 60'ts Bottle he was drunk...

People had started to also drink like there was no tomorrow, inspired by the Wanderers act. The Adventurers who while rookies and still had noble intentions...were acting like a bunch of toddlers ,yelling and dancing while also drinking. It was only NOW that they decided to stop giving Albert alcoholic drinks , mostly because they were scared that the adventurers will start acting rowdy and break stuff. "I am sorry Sir , but you are clearly Drunk. We are not allowed to give you anymore Alcoholic beverages." The Waitress said , in a polite yet strict manner. "FOOK OFF YA DAF CUNTZ! IMMA DA LON WUNDERER!" He roared before grabbing a Barrel next to her. With all his power armored might he punched a small hole at the top of it and then started Chugging the whole thing.

THE

WHOLE

FUCKIN

BARREL

OF

WINE

Adventurers all chanted "CHUG CHUG CHUG!" while he was doing this as the Waitress and Luna looked at him Horrified. After a final chug , he split the empty barrel in half by smashing against his head. The Adventurers cheered as he raised his fist in the air and gave a victory scream!

"YEAAAAAA MAAAAAAAATESSS!"

Albert then played butcher Pete from his Pipboy and started doing the Carlton dance. The other Adventurers joined him in while not questioning from where the music came from , since they were all too drunk.

While dancing some Random Adventurer accidentally spilled his drink over Albert.

"DID YU JUST FOOKIN SPILL ON ME YA WANKER!?" Albert again shouted. Before the Adventurer could say anything , Albert punched him straight in the face and knocked him out cold. "YEE! GIT FOOKED`!" Albert shouted before getting jumped by the Adventurer's Party members!

That's when the Bar Fight started.

People were hitting each other with fists , bottles ,staffs, chairs and even a few spells were shot around while others were thrown out of the windows.

Someone even grabbed another one and took a running start and threw himself with his vitcim on a table and broke it in half.

A Band of Bards then started playing their song.

 _"I'm shipping up to Axel, whoa_  
 _I'm shipping up to Axel, whoa_  
 _I'm shipping up to Axel, whoa_  
 _I'm shipping off to find my wooden leg"_

So the Party was going well.

Albert grabbed a guy buy the collar and then headbutted the him, before throwing him away like an old rag. As he was about to grab another guy, he suddenly heard someone shout something.

" _G..YS T...E...GUARDS...AR...C...M..I..NG_

And in a Brilliant moment of enlightenment Albert did what he was always good at...making the situation better!

" **FOOK DA GUARDS!"** He yelled.

In that moment the Entire room froze , as everyone looked at him.

"Ya heard me! FOOK! DA! GUARDS!" Albert said before continuing to chant what he just said. While at first surprised , in their drunken state all the Adventurers joined the Collective chant.

When the Guards Entered the Guild they were all surprised at the sea of drunken adventurers saying chanting in their face. To be honest they were a bit impressed at the fact that a bunch of low level beginner's were chanting with the confidence of a bandit.

One of the Guards turned towards another one.

"Get the paddy wagons." He said.

At this moment , one of the bigger adventurers picked up a Barrel and threw it at the guards. As the guards were covered in wine and were temporarily distracted he shouted "SCATTER!"

Albert realizing what he just got his drunken self in , quickly put on his helmet and ran staring into a wall. Normally in this situation someone would knock themselves out. However since Albert was still wearing his suit of T45F and ran straight through the wall , leaving a Power Armor sized Hole.

And so Albert ran through the streets of Axel in in a drunk haze until he passed out in some allyway near a trashcan after vomiting inside his helmet.

 **YEAAAAA BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSS**

 **Done with another chapter.**

 **Im not even gonna lie , this short chapter is just filler for you wankers to enjoy that long ass chapter i will work on called chapter 5.**

 **Now i got a lil bad news. I will join the Military in January. Now the good news is that i will be able to work on weekends on the fic. The bad News is i am a lazy fuck and there will be delays.**

 **Sorry.**

 **Still i think that if i take my time I might be able to put fucking effort on the fic. Give the Characters some development!**

 **But yea hopefully this Chapter isn't too cancerous.**

 **Anyway ON WITH THE RESPONSES!**

 **Artyom13 : Back from the Metro eh ? Anyway i am glad you still enjoy this fic! So to the Question: Well...its kinda a Spoiler but he did gain 2 levels...he just doesn't realize it. The card has been adapted to follow the Pip boy's System ( Thats why its a black/green card instead of the normal one) Also sorry if there weren't so many Action sequences like the other fic , but i really just wanted to get a chapter out for you guys.**

 **Carwash36 : BOI ITS ABOUT TO GET EVEN MORE BLOODIER! Get ready for chapter 5...**

 **Galer: ...wut ?**

 **Guest 1 : He he...yea i felt like Cuphead's 20/30's Cartoon style would fit with fallout's 20/50's style. So there might be more coming from there.**

 **Guest 2 : Nigga who doesn't Know the Storyteller ? Yes he will be referenced...alongside Raul's :Fallout Raiders.**

 **Chickenalchemnist : Il try but especially with military getting in the way ...yea sorry might not happen until march/may**

 **Phut : ...You do realize that Fallout 3 Takes place in 2277 and New Vegas takes place in 2281 ? Besides if the Courier aka the Mouther Fucking Mailman got there ...well he would just be Over Powered.**

 **XxdarkangelxX2003 : YEA MATE! Hope you liked this chapter especially!**

 **Well this is it guys...it is time for the great hibernation of the quentin3655**

 **Btw if anyone is interested with being my BETA...I would fucking kiss you!**

 **Cya ya wankers!**


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